Sep 6 2017 A New Beginning: Delisting and Face Reveal Category: General     04:00PM   0

In the past month or so I’ve made two rather significant changes; Delisted from review boards and revealed my face. In some way opposites, both are evident of personal and professional growth. A no review policy is more under the radar, private, and less visible. Revealing my face, on the other hand, is much more above board, transparent, and visible. Both have been a long time coming, and both speak to the connections I hope to develop.

Reviews are a hot topic right now, but I’m here to to discuss the culture, only my decision to no longer participate. I will be forever grateful for the validity they provided when I first started, but they have long ceased to provide any useful information. My looks have only changed slightly, reflected by both up to date professional photos and selfies; Activities I enjoy have not changed at all; And I’m quite active on social media, not only verifying my existence but revealing more of my personality than reviews ever could.

Once a certain website changed their policies, reviews became more a source of entertainment than seduction for future lovers.  The best of them are highly flattering yet fantastical, and the worst are obviously fake, presenting actions that (in my case) never would have/could have happened. With the rise of reviews for money, catty competition, and changing political climate there is little incentive for me to stay on the boards. It was a scary decision, one I pondered for over a year, but one I’m nonetheless very glad to have made.

Revealing my face was more of a natural progression rather than a calculated choice. In the beginning, I blurred my face because it was the “safe” thing to do. I liked the idea of remaining  anonymous and having a secret life. My ordinary student life contrasted so erotically with my new clandestine adventures. As time went on, the secrecy was less exciting and more of a burden, isolating me from my closest friends. Everyone could see the enormous elephant clad in lacy lingerie and stilettos, but no one wanted to be the first to say "hi."

One by one, I addressed the elephant with all of my peoples. Some already knew, some were shocked but ultimately accepting, and others immediately and adamantly disapproved. The unsupportive few swiftly found that there no longer was a place for them in my life. This process of honesty not only revealed who was a true friend, but how much transparency agreed with me. It gave me the courage to not simply be myself but to embrace myself entirely.

The blur progressively lessened, and one day on a lark I posted an unblurred selfie. Immediately, I felt a rush of apprehension, fear, and excitement. Thoughts raced through my mind… What if no one wanted to see me? What if I was recognized? What if people judged me? What if’s that eventually sputtered out, leaving me in a place of acceptance. So what if I was recognized, or judged, or undesirable to some. Showing my face wouldn’t change any of that.  I wanted more transparency in my life.

Although I’m hardly new to the industry, I consider this a new personal beginning. As a microcosm of society, this industry has certain expectations and standards that I abided by for far too long. Now, I just want to do my own thing. I don’t want to look over my shoulder worrying about revenge reviews, or people finding out about my “secret life.” I want to be authentic, transparent, and free. Moreover, I want to surround myself, both personally and professionally, with those that value authenticity, transparency, and individuality. So, cheers to my new beginning!

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